This is an excerpt from my journal on February 22:
(the names have been changed for privacy sake)
“the Lord is in control. This is a truth I cling tightly to tonight. My heart is heavy and full of uncertainty. Katie comes to me after bed-time bible story, tears running down her scared face. I know exactly why. She was expressing what I feel inside. Her mother and two brothers were expected back yesterday, after a routine day-trip to a local hospital for blood work and ARV meds. 48 hours later we are still awaiting their arrival.
If only I could feel half of Katie’s emotions. What she feels in her heart; what is racing through her mind. Will my mom return? What’s keeping her? How long do I wait? Will I end up like every other orphaned girl around me? What if she never returns, what then? I know they run deep with concerned fright. After losing her father a year ago, her mom and brothers are all she has left.
All I could do is hold her tight and pray over her until she fell asleep, among many, yet so alone. I repeated over and over, “God is in control. God is in control. He is holding you.” As I tried to believe in my heart what I was telling her.”
And the night fell again.
And again tonight.
96 hours and 5 days later we continue to wait and wonder. Lord I ask you what my role in this part of the script is. What’s my next move? Do I go and try to track her down? I know Amy and her love for her children and desire to rise on her feet again. What is keeping her? Is she sick? Was there an emergency? My mind then wanders to the worst. Has she abandoned Katie? Why take the others and not Katie? How long do I wait to intervene on behalf of the vulnerable 8 year old daughter left behind?
Father you have forged this relationship and burdened my heart with love and compassion for this family. Guide me to discern what it is you have me do or not do. Above all else I ask you to envelope Katie with your peace un-explainable.
Those who are reading, please join me in prayer for Katie and Amy.
God, you say ALL things work together for your good and to bring you glory. So let your glory shine Lord.